I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
