Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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