Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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