..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
