Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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