I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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