dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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