So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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