I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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