I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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