Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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