Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
