I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
