Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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