My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
