I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
