I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm at about main and main street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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