i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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