I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
