So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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