I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
