Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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