i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
