The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
