Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
