finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
