I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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