Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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