theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I still have a little drunk in my system
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
