Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
