On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
