Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
