dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
