Soap is not a condiment
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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