Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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