i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
