She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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