I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
