I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
