that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
