3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
