Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
