If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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