Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
