I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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