You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
