I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
