I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
