Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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