if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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