420 ftw
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
