Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
