i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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