So drunk its hurt
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
