Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
