Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
