Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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