why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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