I wish I could teleport
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We got so high we made milksteak
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
