help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
