Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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