return my video game
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
