When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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