You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
