The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
