I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
