dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
