I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
