Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
