why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I need to calm my uterus...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
