He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
