sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
