toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
